Swooping – a fascinating skill game involving the whimsical act of distracting a young gent from his female companion long enough for an awaiting friend to “swoop” in, tell elaborate tales of grandeur (all lies of course) and ultimately be awarded the keys to the city of poon town.
If this is a new term for all you readers out there then welcome to a new chapter in your life. Swooping is America’s pastime (not baseball… thats for fags, ill disclose my top ten reasons at a later date). Its the only decent reason to subject yourself to the crowded slop-fuck bars surrounding any worthy college campus. Thats the porkteam’s gridiron, their place of business, their field of dreams. Where the opponents are the unequivocally awful pairing of tapout t-shirt wearing assholes and a relentless onslaught of frat boy douche bags and the prize is a moderately fair looking girl sprinkled with insecurities and topped with an uncanny need to please.
Assuming this sort of thing sounds like an absolute blast to you keep in mind the following tips and tricks of the trade:
1) No doesn’t mean no, it means rephrase the question and try again in a few seconds.
2) Don’t swoop a fellow swooper, he will likely return the favor.
3) When making a seemingly bold claim have a phony business card at the ready. They’ll think, “no one would actually go to the trouble of lying about all of this and have a fake business card too” and they’ll be wrong.
4) Most importantly, don’t swoop a fat chick. This is more of a self reminder than anything but its true. Odds are the girl is married to the poor bastard talking to her or the guy is at his whits end and is settling on failure for the night. Either dangerous combo could lead to a tussle.
All that being said I leave you today with a few swoops for your viewing pleasure. Good luck and god speed.